Tuesday, March 22, 2011

थे कोन्तिनुएइन्ग एंड रेतुर्निंग

This doesn't seem to be about hiking a long trail anymore, it's gone beyond that. It moves forward, but in moving forward it remembers. It remembers stars and nothing else. It remembers phosphorescence in the shape of whales. It remembers a storm and waves so big they would swallow my love whole and spit him back out again. It remembers diving overboard during a storm in the night with a rope tied around my waist, diving down to untangle the two anchors, blind. Diving in, in the dark where I know there are sharks. With an 'I love you' and a kiss, I jumped..I think I was crying. When I was finished I packed my backpack and slept with my boots on, ready to run if we dragged anchor again and hit the rocks. I almost wanted it to happen, so I could go. Go where? There were no trails on this island, not even a beach, not a soul. Just mangroves, saw palmettos and poison ivy...not even coconuts. There was no where to go. I resigned. The next day I rowed out to the little island and sat on my rock. And waited. I waited for the sun to come up, to move across the sky,and to go down. I watched my shadow move. I watched the clothes dry on the line. I sat, I breathed, I watched. I had never been so still in my life.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

तेरे इस पस्सगे इन थे सुन्रिसे एंड इ मौरं फॉर थे मोर्निंग इ लॉन्ग तो सी

The sweet morning, blue time before daybreak..I miss so dearly this early hour. How to get back to a place of greeting the day in the darkness. The time when the collective conciousness of this time zone is in sacred space of stillness. My excersize lately is to try to honor the natural cycles of sleep,waking, energy, and creativity. The pull is to stay up late, I get this surge of creative and vibrant energy just as I used to be going to sleep. It's hard to pass up~these are the hours the songs get written, things get clean, and inspiration abounds. So instead, after sleeping in, I write of the morning, fresh from sleepy dreams, in mid-state of reality, hovering.

I open this grief for coming so soon
For the deep refuge broken by dawn
No travel for the dreams I refuse
The voices filtering through the mirror

There is passage in this sunrise
As I mourn for the morning I long to see

Notes of Coltrane reflect the outcome of memory
As I toss my questions toward the frozen city

And I arise, emerging from the sorrow

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

रैनी डे, दरें आवे

The rain is finally falling, steadily instead of suddenly. Soaking instead of running off. This exquisite drizzle is what my lately dreams are made of. I dream of wet places laden with moss, algea and frogs. Big frogs hopping around. The past dryness has been making me dry. I find myself looking everywhere for moisture .....inside the maze of my giant sunflowers, under a rock, under a stone, Mmmmmmm in the bottom of my compost pile. The roots of the plants in my garden must be getting pretty tough, having to work so hard, digging down deep to where the wet is. I'd say it builds character. I await the day my new beets will be ready to harvest and eat! But I will admire their strong roots first, of course, and give them compliments.
Someone asked me today if the rain was reminding me of the trail. He said it felt like New Hampshire today. He was so right on, I had a bubble up of emotion, suddenly perfectly reminded of the freedom of the previous year. Walking along through the green tunnel. I'm free now, only in a different way. In a less obvious way. I'm free because I've spent this last year really tuning in to my desires dreams and goals, finding out what I am good at and doing it. And I'm doing it. So closer, then, to the little farm, to the little studio where I make terrible messes and art where I don't have to clean up because it is my studio specifically for messes and art, to the garden, and the gardens. The pieces, my dear Watson, are coming together, sir.
Hmmmmm, all from a rainy day.How my body imitates nature. Not so. It's not just the rain that makes me cry. I can specifically remember quite recently in a dry dusty field somewhere, tears mixed with dust devils feeling so appropriate. But the rain definately urges those little ducts to open up and leak out their salty wetness to drip down my nose and onto my lips.....I think that is my favorite part of crying. The tears that make it to my mouth. Tears are delicious.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

थे फॉरेस्ट स्टील विस्पेर्स इट्स सेक्रेट्स

I had an emotional response to walking today. I realized I haven't walked more than a mile or so since being off the trail. Although I did hike and camp for a couple of days at Acadia Nat'l Park, but that was my immediate unwinding, very amazing, very neccesary. I've just been so busy doing this and that, visiting people and places, tying up loose ends, cleaning up and clearing out (as Persephone would say) and making space for the new.Finally, last night I felt that things were settling down and a real rythym might be able to start. It felt good to putter around in the kitchen, making up my long craved for red cabbage and seaweed salad, marinating tofu for BLTs tomorrow, and looking up recipes online. Cup of tea in hand I ventured to the couch and flipped on the tube. Instantly getting sucked into the show 'Project Runway' I began to feel antsy. 'Is this what it's going to be like now?' Instead of sitting outside around a fire, staring at that with a few good friends, enjoying the simplicity of it all, I am inside, staring at people I don't know or care about, and I don't even know that it's actually really warm outside. It looked cold through the window because of the storm, so I hadn't bothered to go out. I don't like being detatched from what's going on in nature. So, I decided, at that moment that I definately need to get my butt outside....no messin' around. This morning, after cereal and tea I donned my running shoes and strolled on down the street. A more perfect fall morning couldn't have existed. Warm, but cool enough for my favorite knit cap, bright red and yellow leaves up against the bold blue fall sky and sunshine, sunshine, sunshine. Mmmm Hmmmm.
It felt so good to be moving. Stretching my legs, my knees loosening up (they are still kind stiff, especially my left one) I felt a bounce coming into my step and a surge of sweet energy. Not ten minutes into my walk, I started flashing to visions of being on the trail, or a trail. As clear as I could see the sidewalk in front of me, the houses on the road and the cars whizzing past, I could,in my mind's eye, see a brown trail beneath my feet, trees and forest growth on either side and only the sounds of the leaves blowing in the breeze, birds and chipmunks busy as ever and red squirrels bitching (they are always, it seems, going off on something from some high post in a tree)at any and everything in sight. I felt like I could walk all day, knowing that I actually could if I had food and water. It's a cool feeling to know that I could turn a 3 mile walk into 20 and never suffer for it. I was suddenly missing the trail, suddenly, a lot. I got lost in thought and memory for a bit and was feeling pretty emotional. It could've turned to sadness and longing,and in my past,that my be where I would have gone. Instead, it turned to a feeling of peace, joy and gratitude. I now have these memories I can turn to anytime I need them.
As I said in one of my earlier entries, this walk, in part, was a walk of gratitude. Gratitude for the conciousness and strenght to chose my own path. And now, the universe, seeing my heart, my soul, and determination is opening it's doors for me. I can almost here them wispering to each other, 'i think she's ready'. And I'm listening, with all my senses, to the guiding forces~
As the main character's mother in Almost Famous says to the lead guitarist in the band, "Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aide" I think that's just right on.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

थे रोड इस लॉन्ग थे रिवर वाइड.. विल इ बे थे समे व्हेन इ राच थे ओथेर साइड?

So...i wrote an amazing blog update last night a nd was about to send it when the internet connection was momentary lost, and my update was permanently lost. terribly sorry, for it was a good one. not as much in the sprit of it today b ecause i want to go kayaking and fishing...........
Aaaaah! final frontier!! Natty and I strolled into Monson, ME about noon yesterday and are staying at the lakehouse hostel/B&B along with some other hikers...namely my dear ones Firecracker and Big Fish!! Hooray...been trying to catch those two for months, but it couldn't have come at a better time.we will hopefully all finish together, pretty awsome! after a 17? miler the other day we reaaly wanted to camp on this river we had been hiking along for several miles and were hoping to find a spot, when lo and behold there's FC and BF camped with a fire going already...room for two more?? Oh yeah!! It's been so long i've been missin' my homegirl, Firecracker....and Natty's heard all about them, so finally we all meet....yaaay! we stayed up late(by hiker standards, uh 10pm) around the fire, played some tunes. played the Hiker Funk song, written by Natty, myself and our friend who we haven't seen in awhile, Honey Dew. firecracker recorded it on her DVR and listened to it while hiking yeserday...cool.
So, Maine is incredible! How is it that i have lived here but had nooo idea how magical, and beautiful it is.from the rocky bald, above treeline mountaintops to the dence packed fir and pine trees, moss lined trails. Aaah...so much moss. just gorgeous. there have been so many opportunities to camp on rivers, ponds and lakes with beauiful views, wildlife everywhere. in some places there have been more moose tracks than people tracks. we saw a huge bull moose the other day. i was walking super slow and quiet(quite by accident, my knee was killing me and i was taking it easy) and iheard him before i saw him. he was munching away on something and breathing, prety loud. i tried to sneak up to take a photo, but he started walking away. how something so huge makes his way through these densley packed forests had been a mystery. i realized that they don't 'make their way through' if it's in thier way, they run into it and knock it down....how else could it work. i had to laugh at the racket he made, you'de think out in the natural world , the creatures could be a little stealth, not so with big moose. soo loud. just before mahoosic notch, we had seen a full moose skeleton off the trail. someone had taken it upon themselves to write out the word HELP! with the bones. i helped myself to a rib bone and put it in my 'voodoo pocket' on the side of my pack, along with my two turkey feathers (i used to have a snake skin) and now a tail of some animal(a mink?or a marten??) it was just sitting there on the trail....my voodoo pocket is nearly complete!
So we got a glimpse of the ol' final destination the other day, Mt Katadhin.....getting closer every step i take. It's pretty exciting. I'm psyched to be reaching the end, the top of the mountain. and i 'm tired of hiking. i'm tired of putting in big miles, not tired of hiking, and that's the problem. i like this ...a lot. i love hiking the AT. i love camping, walkiing somewhere and setting up camp...being outside, stopping by a river for a snack or a nap. looking up at the leaves lowing in the beeze while the fallish looking clouds roll across the sky. the weather is grand. and it has ben for quite some time now.....since august 30......i hope it stays that way, the forcast says it is possible. It's very rare to have the weather that we did through the white mountains and on. it's been cool, cold crispy nights and mornings, beautiful cool, warm or hot days, sunny with some good cloud cover.
too cool for a dip...too bad, there have been so many places to swim. i could totally come back and do the whole maine section again, or parts of it at a leisurly pace..it is that wonderful. the terrain is not too hard. what a treat after such strenuous hiking.
After the initial ass kicking we got the first two days into maine my legs had gotten to a point of exhaustion that i have never experienced. they would just burn and burn the second we would start to gain elevation. there was just no energy there. in Grafton notch, where my friend, ben, dropped us off after zeroing in bethel, we ran into a ranger who told us it just gets easier and easier all the way to katadhin.... i nearly cried. ...but he was right, hooray!
Maine is full of beauiful ponds and lakes, rivers. we had to ford a river the other day(cross in our crocs), and also we had to flag down a ferryman to take us across the kennebek river. it's too deep and wide to walk. this guy, hillbilly dave, a ranger, is available for ferrying evryday in season between 9am-11am and again from 2pm-4pm so you've got to get there, otherwise that's where you're camping for the night. anyway there was an orange flag there on th side of the trail, and he had been expecting us,his previous passengers told him so, so i waved the flag and he hopped into his red canoe, paddled on over and picked us up. it was super windy and we had our life vests buckled up tight, a sweet little ride.
so here we are in monson, the last outpost before the 100 mile wildrness... we are chillin' here today, being tuesday...soo many people rolled into town yesterday it was crazy!! and great! a lot of peoplr hitched up from wherever they were because of timing, and want to get to katedhin before the snow flies and then go back to finish what they missed. so folks i haven't seen in ages are poppin' in left and right...so fun to see everyone. saw C-Bass and Swift, George(or john-anna, or beefstick), Logan(joey, or finger-mullet) and Alan (maybe he's finger-mullet...they all just got new names)tough to keep track. a bunch of folks i haven't seen since the Doyle, of the infamous doyle!!!There have been so many amazing pepole i've met out here. really good people. people who believe in themselves and in their potential. This young guy, his name is 'You' said somehting at breakfast this morning and it made me so happy. it was such refreshment. he said, 'i have learned what a great young man i am and how much potential there is within me, and i'm going to travel the world.....' i don't know if i got that right, but his youth, his goodness and his confidence was powerful.there is so much potential wrapped up within every one of us and it's a mystery sometimes to unravel, but when you know it's there, it's impossible to ingore, and a disservice to ourselves and to others to ignore. so, you've got to be who you are, find out what you are good at, and do that....because the world needs you.
so i'm nearing the end but really (and,yah, this may sound cliche) the beginning.....
the road is long, the river is wide..who will i be on the other side?
it's been amzaing knowing how many people have been following this whole journey. it's filled my heart hearing people's responses, their encouragement, their joy in sharing these stories. i've been pretty happy about that. i definatley feel really blessed.
so, peace out ya'll.........i might just keep a running , sort of, uh, after trail journal too.....see what happens now.

LOVE AND GRATITUDE TO ALL!!!!!!!

your (almost, there is another many names) one and only

~MANY NAMES~

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

थे एंड इस नार......और शौल्ड इ से, थे बेगिन्निंग

Hello ! Hello! greetings....it's going to be nearly impossible to write eabout evrything that's been going on...just got to stratton, ME and the library will close in ten minutes..i will do what i can. perhaps, begin with the present and work backwards????
Or not...... i really don't like not being able to write everything i want because the quality is lacking, so i 'm wondering if i should tell at all..or do an outline and fill in later...okay..

so my birthday, august 29th has been named the 'bad saturday' due to remnants of a hurricane....we (natty and i) hiked 18 treacheruos miles to franconia notch on this day...thankfully to warm dry birthday shelter for food showers and rest.....next day we meet up with my most excellent friend anika, who came to hike part of the whites with us. the weather cleared up and it was spectacular...a super diffucult hike, and for 3 days anika, natty and i went over the beautiful franconia ridge,and other mountains unbelieveavle......magnifecent views...after all this time hiking this was the most beautiful by far, and the most difficult (sorry anika, i hope you still like me) down to crawford notch...anika went home .....natty and i coninued up to mt. washington and summited the next day...there are a bunch of cool things that happened in the whites , but alas....no time
got to gorham,NH for labor day weekend...went into town for big giant breakie and got a message from my dad...the Whole fam was in norway ME fro the holiday and dad offered to pick us up for the night....oh yeah, how couold we say no. 'Jay's shuttle service' was there within the hour and went back to the lakehouse for a day of superior R&R...so much neede...some real exhaustion had been setting in..can't even describe
dropped us back off in gorham the next day and we ventured off to finish new hampshire and enter ME......heading for the infamous 'Mahoosic Notch' debatably the most difficult mile on the trail......well it turned out to be crazy fun..just super technical manuvering and a littl sttrategy was needed to get over some difficult rocky areas...but super cool. all these rock slabs fallen on each other creating little caves and such...a giant playground. you could hear water running beneath the rocks and there are some spots with perma ice keeping things real cool down there.
I gotta go....sorry.....180 miles to go

~MANY NAMES~

Monday, August 24, 2009

आउट ऑफ़ वेरमोंट, तठे सुल्ट्री तेम्प्त्रेस

Ah Ha Ha!! i have just finished vermont and will be hiking in new hampshire tomorrw. i think the beavers rule vermont. we passed more beaver dams and along with the dams saw quite a few moose tracks. it seem that the beavers and the moose have a bit of a symbiotic relationship. the beavers drastically alter the environment and create fantastically swampy places for the moose to chillax' in. they like that....i don't know what the moose do for the beavers. maybe just provide entertainment.
got to hang out at the inn at long trail the other night. camped out across the street and walked over for a couple of well deserved pints. he next day was crappie and natty had a rock he needed to mail home(he does this from time to time) so we took a bus into rutland(to the post office) 9 miles down the road. once there, the skies opned up, torrential rain, buildings getting struck by lightning. we decided tp go see the new quentin t. movie and when we came out of the theatre we saw about 12 other hikers with the same great idea. Hooray!!! well, since we caught the movie, we missed the last bus, and..since we left our tents set up across the street from the inn we didn't have our backpacks which can make it tough to get a hitch. people like to pick up backpackers cuz they know we cool.....but they don't want to pick up random hitchhikers. So we made a sign from materials from a local bookstore that said 'Hikers to Inn at Long Trail'. the woman at the shop wished us luck and off we went. a successful hitch and new friend later we were back at the inn.
The weather has not ben very condusive to great hiking mileage. rain , humidity, thunder storms...all equals lack of motivation. plus great ideas of,'lets do something else today..' but tonight i am writing from a comfort suites hotel where natty's parents are visiting from michigan. they took us out for a slack pack today. so we left our packs at the hotel and packed the little day packs that his parents brought with lunch, snacks, water etc.........sooooo awsome to have a light pack. we did 22+ miles today...hooray!! that's a lot of miles for a couple of bums. we are doing it again tomorrow, maybe this will be a new leaf turning over and there won't be so much bumming around. but that is really quite fun.......i just read my old friend Huck Finnn's trail journal tonight and he is IN the hundred mile wilderness. actually, by this time he may already be done !!!! Amazing! Well, i've got two states left......... must go sleep, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

~Many Names~

Oh !! How could i forget! There is another Many Names on the trail. It's a guy and he is just behind me. I've heard he is looking for me and has been for a while...but not because he feels i am steping on his many toes by sharing this name.....he also heard that i carry a guitar and i think he is quite musical as well....in very interesting and unique ways from what i hear...sooooooooooooo i look forward to my introduction to the first many names. any day now